Trying to know what your loved one wants when they’re in the hospital, unable to speak, is hard, which is why Comanche County Memorial Hospital’s Chaplain Paul Gore said you need to have those conversations and documents filled out beforehand.
He said the question in the ICU after a patient reaches a certain point is always, “What does the patient want?” He said they’re asking their family members or legal representatives about their wishes.
“Sometimes family members don’t know. They say, ‘We’ve never talked about it. We’ve never been through this before,’” Chaplain Gore said. “‘I don’t know what my loved one would want. I don’t know what mom or dad, what their wishes were. If they would want to remain on life support or if they want to be focused on comfort.’”
Chaplain Gore said families who have been through it before are more likely to have talked about end-of-life decisions due to critical illness. Having your wishes known takes a burden off the family member.
“It’s paralyzing,” he said. “You feel like this is all up to me, whether my loved one lives or dies, but it’s really not. You’re trying to understand what your loved one wants at this point.”
He said being in the ICU with families, he’s seen how just talking about it can help a lot.
“It’s still an emotional, very difficult decision, but there is some peace knowing that you’re making the decision that they would want – that you’re honoring their wishes,” Chaplain Gore said.
Chaplain Gore said people can get advance care directives, living wills, and health care powers of attorney documents through the hospital by reaching out to case management or chaplain services or by searching for them and printing them yourself.
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